Chapter One: The Unforgiven

June 28, 2008 at 3:06 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

It was a dark, foggy night when Castor heard the news about the curse. He was five years old when he was eavesdropped an argument in the living room. This is when his life changed and everything started going downhill. There was a great argument happening in the living room, he creepped towards the door that was standing ajar and overlooking the living room. His father, who at once was nice and wise, was slapping his mom, lost in his anger and rage.

“What you did wrong, now you involved us into this matter!” shouted Mother, she cried. “I don’t care with your affairs, oh for God sake, I really don’t care.”

“Look! I tried to get us all out from this matter! Stop complaining, and get children out from here NOW!”

“But they cursed us! THEY ALREADY CURSED US ALL!!” She shouted again.

Castor froze in fear , He was a quite clever for a five year old boy. He figured out what happened to him last night when the full moon appeared, he woke up outside with dried blood on his hands and mouth. He felt bad after, as though he ate plates of stale bacon. What curse did his mother talk about? Whatever it was, it surely gave him a chill as he continued to eavesdrop.

“What are you up to, boy?” a voice said behind him.

Castor was surprised to death as he quickly turned around to see his oldest brother creeping up to him and peeking to the living room. He gave a cold expression as he looked at Castor.

“You never knew, Castor, our life will be changed forever.”

A glimpse of fear ran through his veins as the oldest brother said the most frightening thing he ever heard.

His older borther name was Benuard, the oldest son of Delacroix family. Before it all started, Benuard was so fun and kind until everything changed when Castor started waking up outside house,covered with blood after the full moon night. Benuard had became so wicked and harsh ever since.

He gave Castor a evilish grin.

“Realise it now, Castor, you are destined to be a werewolf,” he said while walking away back upstairs.

Suddenly everything seemed to dissonantly quiet as Castor lingered in his own fear of learning the truth of what had he became all this time.

Castor heard someone’s nearing the door he’d been hiding from, he stood back, as he was transfixed to see who was coming.

“Castor!”

It was his mother. She looked at his eyes and she knew that something was wrong with him, he knew it.

“I told you to pack up!!!” shouted his father, coming forth nearing the door.

“He knew it! he isn’t supposed to know this thing!” said her mother.

“He is supposed to know all thing, fool! now get them out of here! quick!”

Castor’s mother wiped her tears and tried to grab Castor’s hand, but he pushed her hand away. He was frightened, he felt no longer at home. His dad reached his left arm forcefully, “now, you have a choice! Go!”

Castor’s mother carried him away, she brought him upstairs. He took a glance to his father, and sudenly he knew that father didn’t mean that way.

“Papa!” yelled Castor while trying to reach him with his right hand. But his father turned arround and walked away to the living room.

His mother and brother quickly grabbed their things as castor grabbed some of his possessions. They heard a riot coming in the distance as his mother and brother rushed out of the house with Castor close behind. His father stood behind as he watched his family escape towards the docks. They arrived when they met up with Corissa,who was standing near a small boat and ready to go.

and off they went, with a small boat escaping the house that was in riot as people breaking in the house and burned it down moments later. The fog made the night scary but Corissa seemed so confident enough to lead the way with a yellow light lantern lit the way. Mother and Benuard were oaring the boat slowly. And sudenly the mother stopped oaring, she began to cry. Corissa holded her and cried.

Castor saw the flames engulfed eliminating the fogs. It was a really deep painful night.

“Papa…..” whispered Castor.

“It will be a night that will not be forgiven,” whispered Benuard, angrily. He started oaring the boat again, alone.

(copyrighted @2008. Listya Widyasari edited by: BerserkFox)

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12 Comments

  1. irakli said,

    its good story and very interesy:))

  2. Vylane said,

    i’m looking for something more frightening than it should be, more effect at words and phrases will help. castor as the main actor should be given more portion in the dialog or action, also, more relatives description is needed to express all scene in that story. more strange creature existency is always interest and gives more pleasure. however, i believe this story will entertain most of us, looking forward to the next chapter mr.berserkfox. keep on rocking and delousing guys.. both of you.

  3. Dey! said,

    i understand the scene. i can imagine it by reading it. i think Vylane is right, it needs more scary spices

    example: “The entire family rushed Castor to the docks as fast as they can. He looked back as they arrived there. At the distance Castor can see faint glow of torches amidst the misty night. The distant shouts are starting to be audible too:

    “…give us your son…we know you’re there…give us the werewolf….”

    The villagers are coming near, and if Castor would not rush now, he will die.”

    something like that. you can try making your own.

    overall the flow is going smoothly, nice!

  4. jamie lamarra said,

    this was cool. i like the characters in it and i want to know what happens next .. when will the next part be up. let me know when it is

  5. BerserkFox said,

    Ok ok.. everyone..oi… Im working on it

  6. Ashira said,

    im going to be harsh… sorry but thats the way i am when i leave comments concerning writing… the editing was bad with both grammer slips misplacements of nouns and the like… it also lacked proper decriptivness all around… i felt like i was stumbling around blind onl vaguely aware of anything going on around me… it has a good premise but these two things are weighing it down… as i said… it is a decent concept i will give it that… but the grammer and descriptives need polished a bit more…

  7. budd21 said,

    wow.. nice to have story like this. i really like something supranatural n weird stuff. nice work to mr. BerserkFox and Liz. well .. i`m gonna say from what I read. i don`t know where the story will go, but at first chapter it seems so revealed about this werewolf, this kinda unsuprised for reader. well its only in my opinion, i really like something twisted, mistery and hidden. the reader would be curious and continue to read all the chapter. but most of all… its nice and cant wait for the next chapter…. go tiger! ….

    good job Liz & mr BerserkFox 😀

  8. sandip said,

    Phentastic story, no comments pls

  9. peter said,

    Considering that english is not your first language then your grammer is pretty good…but where did you get a name like “Castor ” it an unusual name but fits in with this erry story…and is it based on real life? We will be waiting with baited breath for next chapter…

  10. hebat said,

    cerita apaan seh inih?? teu ngarti saiah mah..
    castor?? oli castor iaahh?? hihihihihi..

  11. Guardian Angel said,

    Hey! Im lianjie.Your story is fasincating and wonderful.I believe everyday of your life will be filled with amazing stories and it goes a long fruitful way.

  12. atmoriadaviouh said,

    Thank you

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