Comments on: Chapter One: The Unforgiven http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/chapter-one-the-unforgiven/ The epic anthology of Listya Widyasari's tale masterpieces (edited by: BerserkFox) Sun, 03 Aug 2008 08:03:56 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: atmoriadaviouh http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/chapter-one-the-unforgiven/#comment-17 atmoriadaviouh Sun, 03 Aug 2008 08:03:56 +0000 http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/?p=4#comment-17 Thank you Thank you

]]> By: Guardian Angel http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/chapter-one-the-unforgiven/#comment-14 Guardian Angel Sat, 05 Jul 2008 01:37:16 +0000 http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/?p=4#comment-14 Hey! Im lianjie.Your story is fasincating and wonderful.I believe everyday of your life will be filled with amazing stories and it goes a long fruitful way. Hey! Im lianjie.Your story is fasincating and wonderful.I believe everyday of your life will be filled with amazing stories and it goes a long fruitful way.

]]> By: hebat http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/chapter-one-the-unforgiven/#comment-12 hebat Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:49:30 +0000 http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/?p=4#comment-12 cerita apaan seh inih?? teu ngarti saiah mah.. castor?? oli castor iaahh?? hihihihihi.. cerita apaan seh inih?? teu ngarti saiah mah..
castor?? oli castor iaahh?? hihihihihi..

]]> By: peter http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/chapter-one-the-unforgiven/#comment-11 peter Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:01:50 +0000 http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/?p=4#comment-11 Considering that english is not your first language then your grammer is pretty good...but where did you get a name like "Castor " it an unusual name but fits in with this erry story...and is it based on real life? We will be waiting with baited breath for next chapter... Considering that english is not your first language then your grammer is pretty good…but where did you get a name like “Castor ” it an unusual name but fits in with this erry story…and is it based on real life? We will be waiting with baited breath for next chapter…

]]> By: sandip http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/chapter-one-the-unforgiven/#comment-10 sandip Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:20:55 +0000 http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/?p=4#comment-10 Phentastic story, no comments pls Phentastic story, no comments pls

]]> By: budd21 http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/chapter-one-the-unforgiven/#comment-9 budd21 Wed, 02 Jul 2008 06:58:39 +0000 http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/?p=4#comment-9 wow.. nice to have story like this. i really like something supranatural n weird stuff. nice work to mr. BerserkFox and Liz. well .. i`m gonna say from what I read. i don`t know where the story will go, but at first chapter it seems so revealed about this werewolf, this kinda unsuprised for reader. well its only in my opinion, i really like something twisted, mistery and hidden. the reader would be curious and continue to read all the chapter. but most of all... its nice and cant wait for the next chapter.... go tiger! .... good job Liz & mr BerserkFox :D wow.. nice to have story like this. i really like something supranatural n weird stuff. nice work to mr. BerserkFox and Liz. well .. i`m gonna say from what I read. i don`t know where the story will go, but at first chapter it seems so revealed about this werewolf, this kinda unsuprised for reader. well its only in my opinion, i really like something twisted, mistery and hidden. the reader would be curious and continue to read all the chapter. but most of all… its nice and cant wait for the next chapter…. go tiger! ….

good job Liz & mr BerserkFox :D

]]> By: Ashira http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/chapter-one-the-unforgiven/#comment-8 Ashira Wed, 02 Jul 2008 04:59:30 +0000 http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/?p=4#comment-8 im going to be harsh... sorry but thats the way i am when i leave comments concerning writing... the editing was bad with both grammer slips misplacements of nouns and the like... it also lacked proper decriptivness all around... i felt like i was stumbling around blind onl vaguely aware of anything going on around me... it has a good premise but these two things are weighing it down... as i said... it is a decent concept i will give it that... but the grammer and descriptives need polished a bit more... im going to be harsh… sorry but thats the way i am when i leave comments concerning writing… the editing was bad with both grammer slips misplacements of nouns and the like… it also lacked proper decriptivness all around… i felt like i was stumbling around blind onl vaguely aware of anything going on around me… it has a good premise but these two things are weighing it down… as i said… it is a decent concept i will give it that… but the grammer and descriptives need polished a bit more…

]]> By: BerserkFox http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/chapter-one-the-unforgiven/#comment-7 BerserkFox Wed, 02 Jul 2008 01:59:06 +0000 http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/?p=4#comment-7 Ok ok.. everyone..oi... Im working on it Ok ok.. everyone..oi… Im working on it

]]> By: jamie lamarra http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/chapter-one-the-unforgiven/#comment-6 jamie lamarra Wed, 02 Jul 2008 01:50:43 +0000 http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/?p=4#comment-6 this was cool. i like the characters in it and i want to know what happens next .. when will the next part be up. let me know when it is this was cool. i like the characters in it and i want to know what happens next .. when will the next part be up. let me know when it is

]]> By: Dey! http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/chapter-one-the-unforgiven/#comment-5 Dey! Wed, 02 Jul 2008 01:34:42 +0000 http://elixirdiamas.wordpress.com/?p=4#comment-5 i understand the scene. i can imagine it by reading it. i think Vylane is right, it needs more scary spices example: "The entire family rushed Castor to the docks as fast as they can. He looked back as they arrived there. At the distance Castor can see faint glow of torches amidst the misty night. The distant shouts are starting to be audible too: "...give us your son...we know you're there...give us the werewolf...." The villagers are coming near, and if Castor would not rush now, he will die." something like that. you can try making your own. overall the flow is going smoothly, nice! i understand the scene. i can imagine it by reading it. i think Vylane is right, it needs more scary spices

example: “The entire family rushed Castor to the docks as fast as they can. He looked back as they arrived there. At the distance Castor can see faint glow of torches amidst the misty night. The distant shouts are starting to be audible too:

“…give us your son…we know you’re there…give us the werewolf….”

The villagers are coming near, and if Castor would not rush now, he will die.”

something like that. you can try making your own.

overall the flow is going smoothly, nice!

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